I spent a while last night writing a blog post that -- for now -- you don't get to read.
It may or may not be an awesome blog post. Right now it's actually like the Schroedinger's Cat of blog posts -- simultaneously awesome and not awesome because it is not yet observed. Ooooh.
To extend (and slightly mangle) the S-Cat metaphor -- I'm reluctant about posting this blog because it could potentially set off dangerous material.
What do I mean? A story:
About 2 1/2 years ago, I got ticked off about a newspaper columnist's lament about the loss of personal responsibility, including a reference to people on public assistance as being "on the dole." So I -- who worked at said newspaper and wrote a blog about saving money -- wrote a post about being on Medicaid for the birth of my older son, and my mixed feelings of thankfulness and guilt about needing to ask for help to pay my medical bills.
I'd link to that post, but it's lost in the mists of the Internet. And frankly, I'm kind of relieved. That post was the most well-read thing I've ever written, and certainly the most responded to. But for all the nice back-pats that congratulated me for my honesty, there was a flood of negative responses. It was brutal. Some of the people who disagreed with me did so thoughtfully, with well-articulated arguments presenting their perspective.
But most most people didn't. Posters called me lazy and irresponsible, insulted my husband, even questioned whether I was fit to be a mother. Some made some pretty sweeping judgments about my financial situation, suggesting that I was a fraud and should pay back any money I had received. (Seriously people, do you know how much small-town journalists earn?)
I still feel a little beat up when I remember that. It's scared me out of speaking my mind more than once. But I've been trying to shake that feeling lately, because I keep sitting on thoughts that feel like they need to be free.
I didn't write that post because I felt a need to explain my personal situation. I wrote it because I saw someone make an unpleasant generalization about a group of people I happened to be part of -- low-income Americans -- and I wanted to counter that generalization. I wanted people to stop and realize that they might not know the stories of the millions of Americans on some form of public assistance.
In the two years since I wrote that, the rhetoric has gotten even nastier. I'm not under the impression that people saying cruel things about each other is new, but we seem very good at inventing new and unpleasant ways to do it. When presidential candidates are cheered for slamming the struggling, we're doing something wrong. I want to talk about it.
But honestly, I still haven't decided about posting my new blog. I'm not sure I want to risk going through that again. (I mean, if anyone were actually to read it ...) I have to find a balance between protecting myself and saying what I think needs to be said.
I appreciate that some of you will tell me I should stick to posting things that won't cause trouble, that I should protect myself. But I appreciate too that others will push me to stop fearing what people might say.
I'm still trying to strike the right balance between doing what's safe and doing what's right. (And when I word it like that, have I made up my mind?)
Please tell me what you think, friends and readers -- because we all know I'm OK with asking for help.
I thought about responding with something comical like "Haters gotta hate" but I think I'll got a different route.
ReplyDeleteI think the rhetoric that our society is using is one that comes out of fear. Fear can do a lot to the human mind. It's a built in feature (not a bug as many shirts would have you believe). I think the best thing people in a society can do is put a face on those fears and remind us they are people too. People who love, who laugh, who cry, who have victories and defeats. I said before that I liked what you wrote. I think that you tackled the issue with honesty and humanity. We could use more of that in our modern discourse. I think it has become too easy to assume we are better than others (lord knows the misty veils of the internet make that easy enough). That our choices would be better than others certainly the media encourages us to think that way and to surround ourselves with nothing but nodding yes men.
I think true courage though is the willingness to speak your mind despite shaking voice and say what is right and just and true safety and popularity be damned. Let me give you a Tedd Roosevelt quote I like : “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." I say post it and let the haters hate.
Dear me I should spell check a little closer
ReplyDeleteTara, I heart you. In part, because you're smart and still sensitive. You aren't jaded enough by the world to let rudeness roll off your back. Good for you.
ReplyDeleteBut if we let our lives be run (ruined) — or even restricted — by the ignorant, the uninformed, or the arrogant — then they win.
Post it! Then maybe I'll get brave and post on one of the many controversial topics which have been muddling about in my brain lately. I do understand where you're coming from on both sides, as I've been having nearly the same argument with myself since I started my blog. I have my "no controversial subjects on Facebook" rule, and that makes sense from a peace-keeping perspective, but if they're reading my blog they must actually want to know what I think, right? In any case, the more unhinged our society becomes the more we need people who think for themselves and who genuinely care about other people. I have a story very similar to yours (involving being diagnosed with cancer at sixteen when my parents couldn't afford health insurance and had to get me on the state program to avoid losing everything they owned). I've been meaning to share it for some time. Perhaps now I really will.
ReplyDeleteTara, I certainly understand both sides of the public assistance debate. I think both sides need to be spoken. I know there are some who exploit the system. I wont name any names but I know a couple who are able to get public assistance when neither are looking for a job, neither are going to school and they do not do any charity work.
ReplyDeleteI also know that there were several years where my family had public assistance because my parents didn't make enough to pay the bills and pay for food.
It's one thing to be thankful that it is there for when you need it to get back on your feet, but it is something else entirely when you use it as a daily staple and have no urge to change your situation so you can stand on your own.
As for the topic of posting controversial blogs, that is a tough decision. The internet is a scary place, people feel more secure on the internet because it is a mask. They will say things on the internet that they wouldn't consider saying face to face. They can be as mean as they want just to see if they can get a reaction. I see this in the many forums that I have read, and will probably continue to see in the myriad of forums I've yet to come across.
I think truth should be the guiding factor. If it spurs controversy then it also spurs debate about it. Problems will be accepted until there is some one to question and spark that debate.
The world would stagnate if there was nothing to agitate it.
I appreciate all of your intelligence and thoughtfulness! Please keep reading and commenting and challenging and interacting ... that's what will keep me doing this!
ReplyDeleteI think I will post the blog .. but i might give it a few days :) Just to keep you waiting!
And Melanie -- please do post your story! I'm eager to read it, especially because I remember just snippets of your experience (mostly the awesome turquoise hair!) since we lived so far apart. And, if it's alright, I'd love to post it here, too, as a guest post. What do you think?
You need to realize that all the negative comments on that post were uneducated trolls,looking to piss you off to make themselves feel better. You can't not do something because of idiots. Ignore the dumb people, take the legitimate rebuttals and keep an open mind.
ReplyDeleteSounds good. I'll try to put it together legibly sometime this week.
ReplyDelete